THE FRUSTRATED EPILEPTIC.
  • Blog
  • About
  • Good Reads
  • Pearls & Ferns
  • Blog
  • About
  • Good Reads
  • Pearls & Ferns

For the Love of Dogs.

6/9/2015

 
Picture
When I was almost four, a dog bit me in the face, so I have always approached dogs with a cautious attitude, even when they didn’t scare me. I even felt this way about our own dogs.  But lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my dog, Ozzy, and I realized that I could learn a lot from him.

Ozzy was hit by a car a couple years ago, and he’s never fully recovered: he’s broken.  He can’t control his bodily functions, so he’s always a mess. The turds sticking to his tail do not prevent him from trying to kiss new people, and even though many shy away from his overeager leaps, his inevitable urine spray, and his tongue like a soaked bath towel, he is still the only thing he knows how to be: himself. 

And even though he is completely himself, he is also completely unaware of himself. (Unless he wants a belly rub or a scratch behind the ears.)  But his main reason for being is simply this: to show how much he loves you whenever he sees you. He is blissfully unaware of his disability.  These stray turds and pee dribbles do not make him shy. 

And you know what?  Because he’s himself, I love him back.  In spite of the pee dribbles.  In spite of the turds. 

I need to be more like this.  I need to become more unaware of my own disability.  (I have become hyper-aware of it, which is not healthy.)  I need to be more myself, in spite of the seizures.  I need to let me shine through and live like my dog does, which means enjoying the boring stuff, which means just giving pure, unselfconscious love whenever I can.

The last year has been a pretty boring one for me: no driver’s license, no job and country life all add up to a pretty empty social calendar—especially during the weekdays.  I love to be busy.  I hate sitting still. With all of this forced down time, I’m finding out that I truly have no idea how to relax. 

But my dog does. 

He does not fret and moan about what his disability has stolen from him. 

He does not mind the turds that cling to his legs or his crooked tail. 

I don’t think my dog even knows how to worry. 

Today, Ozzy sat in the same shady spot for over an hour and just watched birds. He doesn’t worry about how he looks or what people think of him.  He eats when he’s hungry and he terrorizes squirrels when he wants to have fun.  He is content to merely be next to me when I’m outside, and he goes berserk when I call him to join me on a walk.

I confess, I do a lot of fretting and moaning about what epilepsy has taken from me.  And this anger, this frustration, does nothing but fuel my seizures.  It causes them.  And I know that, but I am so angry that I cannot always stop those thoughts, those worries, those hurts, those frustrations.  I’m in therapy for it, but I am a long way from cured. 

Perhaps spending more time with my dog is just the thing I need.  

Picture

Comments are closed.

    Old Stuff.

    December 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    November 2020
    July 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    November 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014

    Categories.

    All
    Epilepsy.
    Fostermomming.
    Frustrations. Ugh.
    Heartbreak.
    Lessons.
    Love.
    Projects.
    The Beautiful Things.

    RSS Feed

    Club Mid
    Scary Mommy
Scary Mommy
Contributor
Click to set custom HTML